am i jealous?

Assalamualaikum .....

it's been a few months i haven't update this blog.suddenly feels like wants to share something. Actually, not a real sharing, more to expression of feelings.

since in secondary school, i set in my mind, "i want to further my studies in medicine overseas, no matter what, i must struggle for it" . However, we are just a human being,we only the one plan for it, but Allah is the one who decides. u know what? i'm very confident that i'll get the Mara scholarships, but unexpectedly, i didn't. It was like a really big, big shock for me. i'm a little frusts and i'm still thinking why Mara was so cruel to me.So, now i'm studying at local university and Alhamdulillah, i get the chance  to further my studies in medicine. I'm really glad that i got this chance and i believe that Allah's plans is the best.

But then, when i saw my friends posting their pics and status on facebook, i was so jealous with them. Most of them were doing IB, A-level, Ausmat  and other preparation programs to further studies in overseas. i'm not jealous with the programs they were doing because i know it was hundred times tougher compared to local foundation. To know the fact that they are going to further their studies overseas making me so jealous, frusts, sad. And also angry with mara for not giving me the chance. I felt like wants to cry everytimes i saw post about people going to further studies overseas and  their lives there. it making me sad of jealousy.

Especially for the fast track students, they are now in semester 2 and they are going to leave me soon. It must be happy to get such a great chance rite? Ahhh, i can't hold my heart from being sad. Jealous + sad causing my eyes watery. i really hope they won't waste the chance given and appreciates it as how much i sad for not getting it.

But, am i greedy? Am i not grateful with Allah's plans? this question always pop up in my mind every times i felt jealous with what others had. Ahh, i think i made a lot of sin instead of good deeds in this honourable ramadhan.